I wonder what you've got conspired, I'm sure it dawns a consolation prize

[echolls_cursed]

It didn't matter. It didn't matter that they'd fought. That they'd tried to compromise. None of that changed the way he'd catch Jack smiling now and then as the other man thought about his thrilling adventure. It didn't change the fact that while Jack had been off playing the hero and having adventures, he'd been home. He hadn't been invited. Not even by Jack.

He wasn't smart enough. He wasn't trained. He wasn't good enough.

He was Logan Echolls- surfer boy. Nothing else. Nothing useful.

It hurt. In fact it hurt more than he was willing to admit. He kept it quiet, and he kept it to himself, but sometimes, when Jack wasn't looking, he found his eyes were just a little damp and that his chest ached. Jack would smile that little smile, and Logan would turn away to hide how angry it made him, and how hurt he was that he'd been left behind. That the other man hadn't thought of him or asked him along. That he hadn't made a case for him or found a way to involve him.

It made him so angry.

Today he'd gone to the office, two cups of coffee in his hands and every intention of making nice- but when he'd reached the door, he'd seen Jack's face- that smile, and he'd known he couldn't go in there. Not without pouring the coffee in the smug bastard's lap.

When he finally made his way home, he found himself still boiling over with anger, and after taking it out on the wall until his knuckles ached and bled- he'd known what he needed to do. He couldn't be here, he couldn't do this anymore. He'd packed a bag, grabbed a gun, and taken some of his personal things. He didn't want to be here- he didn't want to sit in Jack's shadow anymore.

He pulled his necklace off, the tiny shells choking him as he tried to calm down. He left the necklace on the pillow, beside a note that simply said. I'll be back eventually. I love you. It didn't occur to him that it might be a bit cryptic or worrying. He just wanted to go.

He left Linus behind and set off, not realizing that the moment he was gone, the dog would eat the note he'd left for Jack, leaving the other man no explanation as to what had happened.

--- --- ---

The second island wasn't so scary anymore, and he had no trouble making his way over and setting up a small campsite. He built a tent and a fire- hell he even managed to catch a few fish. By the second night he'd even constructed a decent shelter, since he wasn't sure how long he intended to stay.

The third day went less well. He'd gotten bold and decided to try and take on a shark- which had, unfortunately, ended with one of the baby sharks trying to remove his arm. He bandaged it well, but he knew it would make fishing that much harder.

By the forth, he was missing Jack- but he still wasn't ready to go home. His chest still ached, and he still felt like he was nothing. Still just a stupid surfer boy. The only difference now was the fact that he was a stupid surfer boy who'd run away.

Comments

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "If I'd known I'd have figured out how to get you clearance. I should have...I should have known."

He really should have. It was just another piece of evidence that he was dismissive of Logan. Inattentive. Jack slowly got to his feet and brushed himself off.

"I can't make it up to you, either, can I?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"No," Logan replied simply and honestly. "You can't."

He sat back down on his make-shift bed, and rubbed his face with his hands. "You never used to treat me like this. I was never fragile. You would rip me apart. You were molding me into a soldier. You tortured me- do you remember that? Now... I hate the way you treat me now."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I know. I don't...I can't help it," Jack said quietly. "I don't know why it all changed. Or when. I just know I think of you getting hurt and it kills me. I don't mean to treat you like you're fragile. I don't. I just..."

He could only shrug. He had no good explanation.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Well I hate it," Logan said simply.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Do you want me to keep teaching you how to be like me?" Jack asked. "I can teach you everything if you really want to know. I don't know what good it will do you. You'd be prepared for the worst, I guess. I wouldn't worry about you."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You shouldn't be worried now. But- fine. If it'll make you treat me like you used to- then yeah. Yes. That's what I want," Logan replied.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack nodded and then stepped close. He smiled softly and his eyes sparkled.

"Then I'll leave you here until you decide to come home. You're a big boy," he said smoothly.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan hesitated, and then reached for the other man, holding on lightly.

"Stay," he said quietly. "You can stay. The dogs will be fine for one night."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

It was starting to get dark and Jack didn't relish the idea of crossing the water in the dark. But he didn't want to just give in, either.

"I don't know," he said. "Are you sure?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan tugged him closer. "I'm not the one who pushed you away. I didn't leave you in the dust. I'm slaying stay- if you want to go- go, but don't toy with me. I'm not taking any shit from you tonight."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

It made him gasp and he couldn't help but push the limits just a little bit. He stood up straight and squared his shoulders.

"You're not taking it, huh?" he asked, taking hold of the front of Logan's shirt. "What if I make you?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan caught the other man's wrist, and glared. "You wouldn't. You're too scared of breaking me."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack reached up and grabbed the bandage and squeezed. He didn't know what had happened but if it was bandaged he assumed it must hurt.

"But you're not fragile," Jack said. "You won't break."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan hissed in pain, reaching out and grabbing a fistful of Jack's hair in return.

"Damn right I wont."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He leaned into the pain. It hurt but in a twisted way it felt really good and Jack gasped.

"Let go," he said, grabbing Logan's wrist to pull his hand away. He didn't try very hard, not when he realized what a tight hold Logan had.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Make me," Logan growled in return, pulling harder and trying to hook his leg around Jack's so he could take him down again.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack tried to side step Logan's leg but he just got tangled up and he fell hard. He held onto Logan in a misguided attempt to stay up and wound up jerking the younger man down onto him. It made him grunt and hiss in pain.

He didn't stay down for long. A moment later he was fighting to roll Logan onto his back and to get on top of him.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan cried out, his arm throbbing and causing his grip to slip. He whimpered a little and then growled as he tried to shove Jack into the sand.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

The whimper was like blood in the water. Jack grabbed Logan roughly and wrenched him to the side as he rolled, grappling the man with more vigor than before. He wasn't going to just lay down. He wasn't going to lose. He fought back hard, though there was only so much he could do rolling around on the ground like this. Getting on top was his priority and he worked hard to get there.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan clawed and struggled, his nails catching skin and leaving angry red marks down the other man's chest.

"Bastard," he snarled, grabbing the other man by the hair again and yanking hard.

If Jack was going to pin him down, Logan would make him work for it.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Ass...ow," he replied. His head followed along with the pull and he leaned to the side but he used his weight to his advatange to force Logan onto his back and keep him there. Reaching out, Jack grabbed him by the throat to hold him in place, to squeeze, to try to control him. It wasn't the first time they'd fought like this recently but it was the first time in a lon gtime Jack didn't think at all about the consequences of hurting the other man.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Jack caught him by the throat, and Logan whimpered, letting go of his hair so he could try and pry the other man's fingers from his neck.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack grabbed one of Logan's arms with his free hand and held him to the ground. His eyes flashed dark in the dim light.

"You won't break," Jack said again. "You're so tough? Prove it, Logan. You think you can beat me?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan tried to twist free, whimpering and bucking up in an attempt to knock the other man off of him.

"I did beat you," he hissed. "I took you down. You didn't even see it coming."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, but I'm on top now," he pointed out. He grinned manically and kept wrestling to keep Logan in place. "Come on. How bad do you want it? Or do you want to lose?" He paused. "Still."

It had been so long ago that Logan had told him that he didn't fight to win and Jack was sure it had changed...but he thought he'd bait the younger man just to be a bastard.