I wonder what you've got conspired, I'm sure it dawns a consolation prize

[echolls_cursed]

It didn't matter. It didn't matter that they'd fought. That they'd tried to compromise. None of that changed the way he'd catch Jack smiling now and then as the other man thought about his thrilling adventure. It didn't change the fact that while Jack had been off playing the hero and having adventures, he'd been home. He hadn't been invited. Not even by Jack.

He wasn't smart enough. He wasn't trained. He wasn't good enough.

He was Logan Echolls- surfer boy. Nothing else. Nothing useful.

It hurt. In fact it hurt more than he was willing to admit. He kept it quiet, and he kept it to himself, but sometimes, when Jack wasn't looking, he found his eyes were just a little damp and that his chest ached. Jack would smile that little smile, and Logan would turn away to hide how angry it made him, and how hurt he was that he'd been left behind. That the other man hadn't thought of him or asked him along. That he hadn't made a case for him or found a way to involve him.

It made him so angry.

Today he'd gone to the office, two cups of coffee in his hands and every intention of making nice- but when he'd reached the door, he'd seen Jack's face- that smile, and he'd known he couldn't go in there. Not without pouring the coffee in the smug bastard's lap.

When he finally made his way home, he found himself still boiling over with anger, and after taking it out on the wall until his knuckles ached and bled- he'd known what he needed to do. He couldn't be here, he couldn't do this anymore. He'd packed a bag, grabbed a gun, and taken some of his personal things. He didn't want to be here- he didn't want to sit in Jack's shadow anymore.

He pulled his necklace off, the tiny shells choking him as he tried to calm down. He left the necklace on the pillow, beside a note that simply said. I'll be back eventually. I love you. It didn't occur to him that it might be a bit cryptic or worrying. He just wanted to go.

He left Linus behind and set off, not realizing that the moment he was gone, the dog would eat the note he'd left for Jack, leaving the other man no explanation as to what had happened.

--- --- ---

The second island wasn't so scary anymore, and he had no trouble making his way over and setting up a small campsite. He built a tent and a fire- hell he even managed to catch a few fish. By the second night he'd even constructed a decent shelter, since he wasn't sure how long he intended to stay.

The third day went less well. He'd gotten bold and decided to try and take on a shark- which had, unfortunately, ended with one of the baby sharks trying to remove his arm. He bandaged it well, but he knew it would make fishing that much harder.

By the forth, he was missing Jack- but he still wasn't ready to go home. His chest still ached, and he still felt like he was nothing. Still just a stupid surfer boy. The only difference now was the fact that he was a stupid surfer boy who'd run away.

Comments

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Always insulting my mother," Jack chided as he grabbed Logan's shoulders and pressed him to the ground. He was breathing hard, tired out by the fight. He didn't have much more in him and he was glad Logan seemed to be spent.

He hovered over the younger man for a minute and then dropped on him so he could kiss him. Claiming his prize, Jack smiled.

"Now...say I win," he smirked.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You win," Logan said quietly. "You win, okay? Let me up."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Okay," he replied...but he didn't let Logan up. Instead, Jack leaned over him again and kissed him. There was a heat to it that just wasn't there most of the time, not even when they played games. This was a real fight and that made all the difference. Jack wasn't worried about hurting Logan or doing something wrong. He just did what he wanted and was confident in himself.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I hate you sometimes," Logan gasped between kisses.

But they both knew how he felt the rest of the time- and hate and love were so similar sometimes. All that emotion. All that energy.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Shut up," Jack said, his voice thick and quiet. He kissed Logan hungrily. Desperately. The energy of the fight hadn't faded, it had only changed. Rather than hit or grapple to knock Logan down Jack tasted and pushed for more contact. He needed that closeness and to know that Logan didn't really hate him.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan struggled for a moment, and then slowly surrendered, letting Jack take what he needed. He pawed at the other man, but was otherwise calm, giving in to what felt right.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack rutted against Logan and then rolled off him, pulling Logan along with him so he didn't lose contact. This felt so right. It felt like how things were supposed to be. Jack hadn't realized that things were so off kilter until Logan pointed it out and until he had time to really think about it. He hated that it took a week apart and a desperate hunt and fight after fight for him to realize what they needed from each other.

"I love you," he murmured against Logan's lips, reaching up to cup his jaw and hold him in place.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I love you too," Logan gasped, struggling a little and then moaning. "I love you, Jack."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack totally melted as Logan said the words. He smiled, kissed the man with more enthusiasm, and clung to him. He held his face with one hand and pulled at his clothes with the other. He was dizzy with the energy that seemed to swirl around them or over them or through them...or all of it at once.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"We should get in the tent. We should go to bed," Logan said softly, nuzzling the other man's neck. "I want to go to bed."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Yeah, we should," he agreed, slowly pulling away. He studied Logan's face in the low light and ran his thumb across Logan's chin and bottom lip.

"I want you," he said. "I always want you, but right now?"

Jack sighed.

"I need you so much, Logan."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan wanted to ask why- but he didn't. Instead he simply nodded.

"I need you too," he admitted instead.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

That was all the assurance he needed. He hated when Logan was mad at him and the last thing he wanted was to be pushed away. That wasn't going to happen, though.

Jack moved to get up, brushing himself off.

"Let's go in the tent," he said, moving stiffly. He was getting to a point where he really felt it when Logan beat on him. Fighting was work.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan got up slowly, a bit stiff and sore as he followed Jack into the small and makeshift tent.

Silently he lay down, leaving room for the other man and getting as comfortable as he could.

"I did leave you a note," he said quietly. "I wouldn't just up and leave."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I thought so. Maybe it fell somewhere. Or maybe one of the dogs decided to play with it," Jack said. "It doesn't matter now. Now that we've talked. Worked it out. At least this time I didn't think you'd just vanished."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I'd never vanish on you," Logan promised. As if that was somehow something he could control.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack would have really liked to believe that Logan could just say it and make it so. He'd never get over the lingering fear that at any moment either of them could just disappear, leaving chaos and pain in the wake.

"I know," he said as he wriggled out of his shirt and moved against Logan to touch him and hold him and kiss him more.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan was quiet for a while, and then cleared his throat.

"I'm really not weak," he said again. "I never have been. Being treated like some delicate flower? That doesn't suit me."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry. I'll change, Logan. I see it now and I'll do it. You're my partner. Equal. I need to...this is my fault, not yours. I'll fix it," Jack promised earnestly.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I don't want you to change because you feel guilty," Logan replied, rolling onto his side and closing his eyes.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to change because of guilt. I want to change because...because it's right, Logan. I've had a lot of time to think and..."

He sighed and rolled close to Logan so he could touch him.

"You're a saint to put up with me. I really am a terrible husband. Everything you've said, you're right. I treat you like...like an afterthought. Like you're the fuck I come home to. I put everything ahead of you and that's wrong. I coddle you when you don't need it. I think of myself first. I'm...afraid. I'm such a coward, Logan. I just keep waiting for the day you wake up and realize I'm a mistake and the thing is...I'm driving you away by being such a bastard to you. I'm the bad guy in all this. I see that now. I see it and I know I need to change."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan said nothing for a long moment. He wasn't used to this- not just from jack, but anyone he'd been with. He was always wrong or unreasonable. He was the bad guy.

He wasn't used to someone else taking the blame. He wasn't used to being told he was right. For a moment, he looked uneasy, as if he was sure he was being tricked. Like Jack was only saying that so he would come back.

Eventually, he moved closer. Eventually, he let go of the fear and just trusted the other man, curling up against the other man.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack held on and his cock flagged and his pants became tolerable. It felt so good to have Logan in his arms after so many days of searching and worry.

"You will give me a chance to do better, right?' he said. "If we're ever going to be a family I need to...you know. Be domestic. For real."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I'm not leaving," Logan promised. "I wont go. I love you- I love you, I'm just... I'm close to my limit, Jack," he admitted.

"I'll stick it out though. I'll give it time. I'll give you time," he promised.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"From now on we'll do things together. I won't run off and do things without talking to you," he said. "You...you left before I could talk to you about running the club, really. I saw Helen and she's in no shape to...she's really hurt. She asked about you. She misses talking to you," Jack said, drawing idle shapes on Logan's arm below the bandage.

"But she'll be back to it and things will go back to normal. Except I've taken some time off the task force. I didn't quit. I'm just...taking some time. To sort things out."