I wonder what you've got conspired, I'm sure it dawns a consolation prize

[echolls_cursed]

It didn't matter. It didn't matter that they'd fought. That they'd tried to compromise. None of that changed the way he'd catch Jack smiling now and then as the other man thought about his thrilling adventure. It didn't change the fact that while Jack had been off playing the hero and having adventures, he'd been home. He hadn't been invited. Not even by Jack.

He wasn't smart enough. He wasn't trained. He wasn't good enough.

He was Logan Echolls- surfer boy. Nothing else. Nothing useful.

It hurt. In fact it hurt more than he was willing to admit. He kept it quiet, and he kept it to himself, but sometimes, when Jack wasn't looking, he found his eyes were just a little damp and that his chest ached. Jack would smile that little smile, and Logan would turn away to hide how angry it made him, and how hurt he was that he'd been left behind. That the other man hadn't thought of him or asked him along. That he hadn't made a case for him or found a way to involve him.

It made him so angry.

Today he'd gone to the office, two cups of coffee in his hands and every intention of making nice- but when he'd reached the door, he'd seen Jack's face- that smile, and he'd known he couldn't go in there. Not without pouring the coffee in the smug bastard's lap.

When he finally made his way home, he found himself still boiling over with anger, and after taking it out on the wall until his knuckles ached and bled- he'd known what he needed to do. He couldn't be here, he couldn't do this anymore. He'd packed a bag, grabbed a gun, and taken some of his personal things. He didn't want to be here- he didn't want to sit in Jack's shadow anymore.

He pulled his necklace off, the tiny shells choking him as he tried to calm down. He left the necklace on the pillow, beside a note that simply said. I'll be back eventually. I love you. It didn't occur to him that it might be a bit cryptic or worrying. He just wanted to go.

He left Linus behind and set off, not realizing that the moment he was gone, the dog would eat the note he'd left for Jack, leaving the other man no explanation as to what had happened.

--- --- ---

The second island wasn't so scary anymore, and he had no trouble making his way over and setting up a small campsite. He built a tent and a fire- hell he even managed to catch a few fish. By the second night he'd even constructed a decent shelter, since he wasn't sure how long he intended to stay.

The third day went less well. He'd gotten bold and decided to try and take on a shark- which had, unfortunately, ended with one of the baby sharks trying to remove his arm. He bandaged it well, but he knew it would make fishing that much harder.

By the forth, he was missing Jack- but he still wasn't ready to go home. His chest still ached, and he still felt like he was nothing. Still just a stupid surfer boy. The only difference now was the fact that he was a stupid surfer boy who'd run away.

Comments

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack grabbed one of Logan's arms with his free hand and held him to the ground. His eyes flashed dark in the dim light.

"You won't break," Jack said again. "You're so tough? Prove it, Logan. You think you can beat me?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan tried to twist free, whimpering and bucking up in an attempt to knock the other man off of him.

"I did beat you," he hissed. "I took you down. You didn't even see it coming."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, but I'm on top now," he pointed out. He grinned manically and kept wrestling to keep Logan in place. "Come on. How bad do you want it? Or do you want to lose?" He paused. "Still."

It had been so long ago that Logan had told him that he didn't fight to win and Jack was sure it had changed...but he thought he'd bait the younger man just to be a bastard.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan struggled harder, giving everything he had.

They were nearly an equal match these days though, and when one of them got the upper hand, the other didn't stand much of a chance of taking over.

It was getting harder to breathe, and he whimpered again before gasping for air. The fight was draining from him, and eventually he had to stop.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack showed some mercy and loosened his hold but he kept his hand pressed to Logan's chest. He could feel the steady beating of his heart strongly against his palm.

"I win," he said coolly. "I'll let you up if you agree I win."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan narrowed his eyes, watching Jack for a long moment and then lunging at him.

"No," he replied coldly.

If Jack wanted him to surrender, he'd have to really make it count.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack jerked backward and fell over, scrambling to get away from Logan's attack.

"Shit," he hissed, flailing a fist to keep him away. He swung wide, though, and hit nothing but air. He scrambled to get the upper hand again.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Come on!" Logan taunted. "Come on. Take me down, prove you aren't scared of hurting me. Go on. Do it- do it, and first thing tomorrow, I'll let you take me home. ...Fail, and you'll be sleeping outside my tent tonight."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack glowered and snarled and launched himself at Logan. If the younger man wanted a fight Jack could do that. He was so susceptible to the taunting.

"Shut up," he said roughly. He doubled his fist and jabbed at Logan's ribs. He knew where the younger man was vulnerable. He knew just where to hit.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan wasn't expecting fists- though he supposed he should have. He doubled over and gasped before swinging in return, his fist making contact with Jack's shoulder.

"Fuck," he swore, trying to move so the other man couldn't pin him down.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack was a flurry of action, hitting, slapping, grabbing, pushing, pulling. He did everything he needed to to knock Logan down into place. Jack had the upper hand, he came out on top. He won. The longer he fought the angrier he got until he was moving on instinct, just trying to put Logan in his place.

There was no way he was sleeping outside the tent tonight.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan fought until he couldn't anymore, and eventually he went still as the other man smacked him down.

"Son of a bitch," he growled, kneeing the other man as he fell onto his back.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Always insulting my mother," Jack chided as he grabbed Logan's shoulders and pressed him to the ground. He was breathing hard, tired out by the fight. He didn't have much more in him and he was glad Logan seemed to be spent.

He hovered over the younger man for a minute and then dropped on him so he could kiss him. Claiming his prize, Jack smiled.

"Now...say I win," he smirked.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You win," Logan said quietly. "You win, okay? Let me up."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Okay," he replied...but he didn't let Logan up. Instead, Jack leaned over him again and kissed him. There was a heat to it that just wasn't there most of the time, not even when they played games. This was a real fight and that made all the difference. Jack wasn't worried about hurting Logan or doing something wrong. He just did what he wanted and was confident in himself.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I hate you sometimes," Logan gasped between kisses.

But they both knew how he felt the rest of the time- and hate and love were so similar sometimes. All that emotion. All that energy.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Shut up," Jack said, his voice thick and quiet. He kissed Logan hungrily. Desperately. The energy of the fight hadn't faded, it had only changed. Rather than hit or grapple to knock Logan down Jack tasted and pushed for more contact. He needed that closeness and to know that Logan didn't really hate him.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan struggled for a moment, and then slowly surrendered, letting Jack take what he needed. He pawed at the other man, but was otherwise calm, giving in to what felt right.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack rutted against Logan and then rolled off him, pulling Logan along with him so he didn't lose contact. This felt so right. It felt like how things were supposed to be. Jack hadn't realized that things were so off kilter until Logan pointed it out and until he had time to really think about it. He hated that it took a week apart and a desperate hunt and fight after fight for him to realize what they needed from each other.

"I love you," he murmured against Logan's lips, reaching up to cup his jaw and hold him in place.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I love you too," Logan gasped, struggling a little and then moaning. "I love you, Jack."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack totally melted as Logan said the words. He smiled, kissed the man with more enthusiasm, and clung to him. He held his face with one hand and pulled at his clothes with the other. He was dizzy with the energy that seemed to swirl around them or over them or through them...or all of it at once.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"We should get in the tent. We should go to bed," Logan said softly, nuzzling the other man's neck. "I want to go to bed."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Yeah, we should," he agreed, slowly pulling away. He studied Logan's face in the low light and ran his thumb across Logan's chin and bottom lip.

"I want you," he said. "I always want you, but right now?"

Jack sighed.

"I need you so much, Logan."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan wanted to ask why- but he didn't. Instead he simply nodded.

"I need you too," he admitted instead.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

That was all the assurance he needed. He hated when Logan was mad at him and the last thing he wanted was to be pushed away. That wasn't going to happen, though.

Jack moved to get up, brushing himself off.

"Let's go in the tent," he said, moving stiffly. He was getting to a point where he really felt it when Logan beat on him. Fighting was work.