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[echolls_cursed]

Logan had never been the sort of child who tip-toed down the stairs to see what Santa had brought. He'd learned the hard way that peeking at presents never ended in anything but punishment. Not to mention the fact that Aaron had made quick work of ruining any dreams of Santa by telling Logan he wasn't real at a very young age.

There was no room for make-believe at the Echolls home. Not that it had ever been easy to get lost in a dream world in a house full of violence and anger anyeway.

So on Christmas morning, Logan didn't slip out of bed. Instead he slid closer to Jack, holding the other man tightly and letting himself be grateful for what he thought was the best gift he could get that year.

Jack.

Jack was still there. Logan hadn't managed to chase him off or ruin what they had. He hadn't lost the other man to someone better. If anything, he'd gained more and more of Jack as time went by- and that was all Logan really wanted this year.

Nuzzling the other man's neck, he hummed softly and then whispered, "Merry Christmas, Jack."

Comments

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Christmas had never been Jack's holiday. They didn't celebrate it on Boeshane and although he'd been around Earth enough to experience it, in the past it had always been an excuse to drink some good rum and shag someone gorgeous.

Since he'd come to the island, he hadn't found it to be much o anything to really celebrate. His first Christmas here he had lied to Lisa's ace when she'd told him she was pregnant. He'd known then that the baby wasn't his. It didn't make it any easier to swallow when she'd lost it, though. And his second Christmas had been spent in isolation with House while the man went through withdrawal. Jack hadn't even known it was Christmas. It was just another day of puking, pain, and vitriol.

Last year had been good, though. Last year he and Logan had had a wonderful time. Dinner, music, sex, gifts. It had been the best Christmas he'd ever had. Last year he got what people felt when they said Merry Christmas or seemed excited about the holiday.

Hearing Logan's words and feeling him press close roused Jack and he gave up a dowsy smile.

"Merry Christmas," he replied, turning his head to look at Logan through sleepy eyes. Somehow, although he awoke next to Logan every day, this morning it seemed...special. Like there was something in the air.

"Do we have to get up? Or can we just stay here where it's warm and I've got you?" he asked, rolling a little so he could hold Logan in both arms.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I think we can stay here a while," Logan replied, inching closer and enjoying the warmth of Jack's body against his. It was something he got to enjoy every day, but it felt so cold this morning, and Jack felt so warm and inviting.

"There are presents though," he grinned. "And a fire waiting to be lit... Coffee to drink. Food to eat. But that can wait a little longer, I don't really want to get out of bed yet."

He kissed Jack's jaw and neck, letting out a content sigh. Really, he could lay there forever.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I think I like waking up with you this Christmas even more than I liked going to bed with you last Christmas," Jack smiled, craning his head back. "Although, that was the best Christmas I've had so far. You're going to have to work to top it."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I have to work? Hey, why don't you have to work?" he asked, nipping playfully at Jack's jaw. "Don't I deserve a Christmas to top last years too?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You do," he replied. "You deserve the best. Let's see....last year you showed up, we exchanged presents, and after you went to see Joe and Anne we did dinner and then you stayed the night. This year...it's already better, just waking up with you."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Logan agreed. "This is already better. I love waking up with you. I know we do it every morning, but it feels really good today. Special."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Mmm. Special." Jack kissed him again, lingering and unhurried, moving from lips to throat and across his chest rom shoulder to shoulder.

"What would you say if I said I didn't put anything under the tree for you?" he asked casually.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Mmm, I think I'd tell you to stop kissing me and to go find something to wrap for me," Logan teased, narrowing his eyes slightly and pretending to be annoyed.

He rolled his shoulders a little, and folded his hands casually behind his head. "Except I know you too well to believe you didn't bother to do anything for the holiday- so really I'd just ask how big my gift is. Because that would have to be it, right? Too big for under the tree?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You're too smart for your own good," he murmured, kissing the tender skin of the inside of Logans arms.

"I'm going to have to get dressed and go get it. I hid it so you'd be surprised."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Don't go yet," Logan insisted, unfolding his arms and moving so his hands were on Jack's shoulders. "Let's have breakfast first, then we can exchange gifts."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Ooh, breakfast sounds good," he agreed, lingering over Logan for another minute before pushing off and practically bounding out of bed wearing a wide grin and nothing else.

"Come on, sleepyhead. Youre wasting the day!"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear you calling me sleepyhead. No one wants to spend Christmas cleaning up vomit," Logan snorted, slipping out of bed and stretching lazily.

He pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and one of Jack's shirts, and slunk out the bedroom and down the stairs. "What do you fell like eating? It's Christmas, should we do something special?" he asked, peeking at the supplies they'd stolen from the compound.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Maybe we should try for something special...but I don't know how well it'll turn out. I'm really not that good o a cook," he pointed out. Logan was, on average, way better than Jack at making something worth eating.

"I'll help you, though. What have we got? Any of those eggs left that I snatched from the barn?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"It's really sad when I'm the best cook in the house," Logan laughed, humming a little and then nodding. "Okay, yeah, we have eggs... Oh, and, uh, potatoes. Maybe I can make eggs and hash browns? I think I can do that... I mean, how hard can it be, right?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"That sounds good," Jack agreed with a nod. Really, how hard could it be? It was just frying. He went to get some potatoes and left Logan to retrieve the eggs from the fridge. Before he did anything else, though, he laid the potatoes on the table and wandered off.

A few minutes later, the Dean Martin album Logan had brought to him last year was playing, illing the whole house with festive music.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

The music hit him slowly, and Logan went quiet for a moment before he smiled at the other man. The music brought back both warm and uncomfortable memories from his childhood- with new memories mixed in. Memories of Jack and their first Christmas.

Putting the eggs down gently on the table, he walked over to the other man and kissed him softly. Wrapping his arms loosely around Jack's shoulders, Logan swayed slightly as Dean crooned in the background.

"God, it's really been over a year. Sometimes I forget that, but- I remember, this time last year, being with you. You're still the best part of my life, Jack. I don't think I tell you that enough."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You don't have to tell me," he replied, slipping his hands into place on Logans waist. "I can tell- the way you look at me and the things you say. No one's ever treated me as good as you do."

He smiled and leaned in to kiss Logan, his stomach grumbling even though he ignored it in favor of keeping close.

"It's been way more than a year. If you go by that first time? That weekend when everything came out, its been..." He had to pause and think about it for a moment. "...A year and seven months. And four of those? Youve been my husband."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"That's crazy- This is crazy. Sometimes i can't believe how it all changed. I never thought we'd end up like this. not even after that first time. Not even when we stopped fighting- when I was with Donald and me and you would go shooting. You gave me that rifle- Do you remember that? You just gave it to me, and I couldn't work out why you'd want me to have it."

He was rambling, he knew he was, and he could hear Jack's stomach growling softly... He needed to snap out of it.

Shaking his head, he slowly pulled away, dragging all his thoughts back deep inside the way he often did when he felt too exposed. "Can you help me peel these potatoes?" he asked, changing the subject and turning away.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack very nearly answered why he gave Logan the rile, but the younger man pulled in and if anyone could take a cue, it was Jack. But he didnt think it was all that crazy. Just...unexpected. Most things in his life were unexpected, when it all came down to it, so Jack had an easy time of simply accepting it.

"Sure," he said easily, taking up a knife and starting to peel a potato slowly, the peel coming of in one long curl.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan was quiet for a while, peeling and looking down at his hands.

His stomach felt tight, and he swallowed hard before finally blurting out something that had been weighing on him for a while. Something he wasn't completely comfortable confessing.

"I think I always wanted you," he said, the words coming out so suddenly that he actually looked startled by them. "I think I was obsessed with you. Even when I hated you... I'd see you, and- I can't explain it. I'd fixate. It was strange though, especially after what happened between you and Neil. All these conflicting emotions that where all so intense. I hated you, and I wanted you. I couldn't understand why you tried to sleep with him- because he was mine- and because it was always him, and out of everyone on the island who'd ever looked at him that way, I'd convinced myself that if you had the choice, you'd pick me over him. And I hated you for proving me wrong, I hated you for not wanting me and then taking what little I had. God, I hated you so much- and I still couldn't stop starting with you. Like maybe if I kept at it, you'd finally look at me like I knew you'd looked at him. Because he's beautiful. He's- stunning, and I could remember how you'd looked at me that one time- and how it made me feel."

He shivered a little and swallowed hard. "You looked at me that first time we met, and you weren't seeing my name or my father, you were seeing me. And you wanted me. Without knowing a damn thing about me. ...Neil didn't look at me like that the first time we met. I don't think anyone ever has."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

By the time Logan had finished, Jacks hands had gone still, the blade still between peel and flesh of the potato. His tongue rolled out and slipped over his lips slowly.

"I looked at him like he was a piece of ass," Jack confessed. "I was never interested in him. He's pretty...but I think everyone's got their something that makes them pretty. Really, when he said the two of you weren't...together or whatever, and then he put on that act, I figured why not."

He dropped his chin, obviously not proud of himself for that. When it came down to it, there was a lot of his past that he'd never given much thought to that now crept up on him and the memories were gilded with shame.

"I wanted you," he said, softer, with his gaze glued to the flash of the blade in his hand. "I wanted you from that very first day, and the more you told me no- the more you hated me- the more I thought it was wrong- the more I wanted you. So bad I could taste it. But there was Greg and there was Neil and..."

He shook his head and sighed.

"All I've ever seen when I look at you is you. And you? Are so beautiul."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

When Jack said what he'd thought of Neil, Logan's knife came down blade first onto the table. It didn't get far, but it left a deep mark in the wood.

And then the rest came out, and the tension dropped. The handle of the knife slipped from his fingers, and it landed on the wood with a soft thunk. The tip was slightly bent now, but Logan didn't notice, his eyes were on Jack.

There was so much he could have said to that, but in the end, all that came out was a question.

"Why did you give me the rifle? You weren't flirting. You pretty much backed off after that first time- even before I told you I was with Donald. So why give me the gun?"

Except part of Logan was sure Jack had known about Donald without being told. Jack had always seemed to somehow know everything.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Because I thought you'd like it," he said simply, though his tone gave away that there was more to it than that. He took a breath and finished off his potato and laid both it and the knife down.

"I wanted to give you something. Something of mine. Something you'd look at and think of me. And with Donald in the picture...I thought we could go shooting instead of fighting. I didn't want to fight with you any more. I wanted to make something good between us. So...it was a present."

He shrugged.

"And I knew it was a good idea when I saw the way you looked at me. That day...that day when we were shooting mangoes...that was one of the hardest days in my life. The way you looked at me when I gave it to you? The way you sounded? I wanted you so much. I wanted you to look at me like that all the time."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You're an idiot," Logan said softly. "You know- if you'd just done something, anything- you could have had me. I cared about Donald, loved him even, but- you took over my world every time we were close. I would have gone with you."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah...but you were trying with him. Maybe it wasn't going so great, but you were trying. And I might do a lot of things, but I don't break people up. Or, okay, I don't do it on purpose, Jack replied, then he smiled. "And I dont do it anymore at all, so it doesn't matter."