Home is where the heart is. (for Neil)

[echolls_cursed]

A lot of walking and one half-assed fight had brought Logan back to the hut. For some reason, he expected it to look different. Abandoned maybe. But no, it looked the same as it had the morning he'd left it. Yappy dog and all.

Max was jumping around in his pen, barking like a lunatic, and Logan hissed at him a bit as he reached the door. "Shut up!" he snapped quietly. "Jesus Christ, fucking dog."

Of course that didn't stop him from leaning over and giving the small animal a scratch between it's ears.

He thought about knocking first... but it was his hut too, and he wasn't going to act like a stranger. Yanking open the door he headed right inside, trying to ignore his nerves as he slipped into what used to be their room. His eyes settled on Neil instantly, half asleep and buried under a blanket... Logan had to stop himself from walking right over and asking the other boy if he was okay.

Instead he just stood there, like an idiot.

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[little_moons]

Sighing shakily, I hide my face in my hands and think of all the reasons that it's a bad idea. I don't know if I can keep doing this. It's too fucking hard.

Dropping my hands to my lap, I look over at him sitting there... He looks almost as bad as me, maybe the same, but I still insist I've gotten the worse end of the deal this time. I'm the one that got left.

"What happened to you?" I ask hollowly, noticing how he's been moving, the pained grunts and the strained way he's sitting.

I don't ignore what he said, I just don't know how to answer. Do I want him home? Yeah, I do, but I know it's not that easy. Things are fucked, and something's gotta be fixed. I just don't know what the fuck to do about it.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Fight," Logan said simply, because that was pretty accurate. Half hearted though his efforts might have been, it was still a fight.

He stopped looking at Neil though, trying to ignore the worry he felt when the other boy didn't say anything about coming home. He wasn't going to push it though.

[little_moons]

"What did you even- Nevermind. I don't even want to know," I mumble, rubbing my hands over my face and letting out another tired sigh. Fuck it. Nothing even happened. Not really. Jack wants to be a fucking asshole about it, fine. I guess he's got a right to be pissed, me pussying out the way I did. But I don't give a fuck about him.

"This is your place more than it is mine. You wanna come back, it's not like I can stop you." Bullshit. It's a fucking lie, acting like I don't care. Maybe that's not helpin' things, but I'm still to... raw about it to say anything else.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"If I come back, are you going to stay?" Logan asked, looking at Neil. "I don't want to come back if your just going to fuck off and leave me here.

[little_moons]

The dog is barking outside, yipping and howling miserably, and I can hear him scratching on the sides of his little box. Getting to my feet, no intention of leaving, but I need to bring him inside before someone calls Island Animal Control or whatever the fuck. I push the door beads out of the way, mumbling over my shoulder, "I don't think you can really say anything to me about leaving," but it's half-assed at best, almost petulant sounding.

Max is hopping around excitedly when I step outside, and I lift him up from his pen, squishing up my face and hold him at arms length when he tries to lick at me. I step back inside the hut, letting Max run inside as I linger around the doorway of our room.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

The dog ran right over, half nearly tripping over itself in excitement as it scrambled up onto the bed. Despite the fact that everything hurt, Logan flopped onto his back, letting the small animal lick his face. Little paws bouncing and scrambling to get closer.

"Your dog's a freak," Logan said simply, pulling a face at the sudden wiff of dog breath and turning his head away.

[little_moons]

I just shrug, walking over to stand at the edge of the bed, petting Max absently when he scrambles over to me. "You look like hell," I point out, uselessly, but he does. Not just pained because of whatever the fuck that fight was, just... worn. But like I said, I can't look much better.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"So do you," Logan pointed out, turning his head just enough to look at Neil.

[little_moons]

"Yeah," I agree quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and dropping my hand to the mattress when Max wanders away to check Logan out again.

"What happened?" I ask after a long pause, voice sounding strained and annoyingly small. I'm looking for more of an answer then 'it was going to fast'. Something honest. I don't know if I'll get anything, or even if I want to hear it. Just... whatever. Might as well ask.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I dunno. I panicked I guess. I started thinking about how young we are and how stupid I am. I was thinking about my parents and my dad and the shit I could do... shit I've already done. It just got to me," Logan said quietly.

[little_moons]

"You should've just told me," I say again, too quiet to really sound angry, reaching up to brush my knuckle against his cheek and then drawing my hand away.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out," Logan snorted, reaching out to grab Neil's hand lightly as he pulled away.

[little_moons]

Sighing, I tangle my fingers with his, turning my face away and just sitting there because I don't know what else to say.

Max jumps down off the bed on his own when he realizes we're paying too much attention to each other to pay any to him, curling up in the corner on a pile of blankets he's been using as a bed.

"I didn't fuck Jack," I say, because suddenly it seems important. I don't know what he thinks happened, but it wasn't that. For some reason I want him to know.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"What did he do?" Logan asked, looking at Neil's hand in his rather then at Neil. Because it was easier to blame Jack, to make him the villain. Anything other then admit that maybe Neil had wanted to be with someone else, even after he'd been the one to shove the other boy away.

[little_moons]

"Nothing. He didn't... I was- I was really fucked up. I went home with him. I was going to... I just wanted something, I dunno, something easy," I admit, pressing my lips together and keeping my face turned away. All these feelings are mixing up, making my stomach roll sickly and my throat tighten. Guilt and shame and hurt, even when I'm not the one that should feel guilty. It fucking sucks.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Whatever, he's an asshole," Logan decided, frowning and moving closer.

[little_moons]

"Yeah well, I made a fucking idiot of myself," I grumble, flopping down next to him and staring up at the ceiling, my hand shifting but not letting go of his.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You were pissed off," Logan shrugged. "Whatever. I mean... It's not like you really wanted to fuck him, right?"

At least Logan hoped that wasn't what Neil wanted.

[little_moons]

"No. He was just... convenient or whatever," I shrug. He was there and more than willing and I just wanted to forget. "And I didn't try to fucking... hustle him or whatever. It wasn't..." I trail off, my throat tightening up again, my eyes still fixed on the ceiling instead of on Logan. That's important too, 'cause when I told him I was done with all that, I meant it. I really meant it, and what happened a few days ago sorta proved it. But even if that wasn't what I was trying to do, it was just too fucking familiar.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I didn't think you had," Logan said simply, looking over at Neil.

He was quiet for a long moment, and then sighed. "Look, if you don't want me here... then I'll find somewhere else to be for a while. But I'm not going to stop trying to fix this. I'll be back. I'll keep coming back until we figure things out."

[little_moons]

"I didn't say that. I just... I fucking hate it when you're not here, but I can't keep wondering when you're going to leave again. I can't fucking do that, Logan," I admit, pulling my hand away from his and sitting up, my back to him as I try to calm down again. It's not fair that he can do this to me, have me acting like such an idiot, so fucking easily.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I'm not," Logan insisted, reaching out to place his hand on Neil's back "I won't leave again. Okay?"

Not that he could really know or promise that.

[little_moons]

"You don't know that," I mumble as I rub my hand over my face, not turning around or reacting much at all to the touch but not pulling away either. I'm pretty sure he's promised that before. It sounds familiar. If not that, something like it.

Leaning over, I rummage around until I find my backpack under the bed, pulling it into my lap and digging around in the front pocket. I come up with his lighter and the fucking stupid necklace I made for him. I wanted to throw them both in the ocean, but I kept them anyway. Holding them in my hand now, I'm not sure why I took them out. Maybe just to show him I hadn't gotten rid of them. Maybe to give them back. I don't know.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan sat up, despite the fact that everything felt sore and stiff, and crawled over to kneel behind Neil. burying his face in the other boy's neck, he sighed.

"I know that I want to be here now. That has to count for something."

[little_moons]

"Yeah, but what about... whatever. Nevermind," I sigh, letting my bag fall to the floor, the necklace and lighter dropping to the mattress beside me. Max lifts his head at all the noise, huffs and then goes back to trying to nap, thank Christ. I'm really not in the mood to deal with him too.

I feel like we're going backwards or something, and it just... sucks. Maybe we did everything backwards from the start, but I didn't know any other way.