echolls_cursed | NYE post midnight

Logan protested the loss of Jack, but eventually gave up and pulled his jeans on before wandering after the other man.

"What's with the modesty? You're usually pants free in the morning... I like the pants free mornings. It makes getting out of bed worth it," Logan insisted.

"Call it...post party modesty. After your loose tongue, I'm not sure who might think they could see what if they came by. I'm not taking chances," Jack said, pouring the servicable coffee into a cup for Logan.

"I didn't say anything!" Logan insisted, only to pause a moment later as chunks of the party came back to him.

"Well, okay, I might have told Scotty we fucked in the snow... And I might have tried to patch things up with House so he'd stop hating me. ...And I might have told Scotty I could shoot Giles for him if he wanted Alcuin to himself... But that was it," he assured the other man, doing his best to look innocent.

Jack turned a skeptical glance on Logan and cocked his head. He didn't buy the innocent routine for a second.

"Scotty came over and talked to me," he said. "I got to hear how it was an interesting way to spend Christmas, fucking in the snow."

Logan couldn't help himself. He grinned brightly as he sipped his coffee.

"Interesting and hot," Logan grinned. "You looked so amazing out in the snow, Captain. ...I am sorry though. I didn't mean to tell him all that. Sometimes I just can't shut up."

Jack didn't look amused at all.

"I don't care what I looked like," he said flatly. "It was..."

He paused and turned away, taking time to pour himself a cup of the bitter brew.

"It was embarrassing. The way he knew. I don't tell people...details. That's ours. It's private."

Edited 2010-01-02 05:43 (UTC)

The smile faded, and Logan looked scolded and small as he stared down into his cup.

He hadn't meant to tell Scotty, it had simply come out, the alcohol loosening his tongue until things just came pouring out. All his little secrets and private thoughts.

"I didn't.... I didn't mean to tell him, alright?" he sighed, rubbing his head and finally looking back up from his coffee to watch Jack.

"I know you didn't mean to," Jack replied, the tension in his jaw making the muscles jerk.

"It's just...you hate that he has a crush on me and you don't want me flirting, but then I can see it in his eyes when I'm talking to him that he's thinking about the two of us fucking in the jungle. You make it hard to play by your rules, Logan."

"I make it hard? By talking about us? I make it hard? Oh fuck that. You know what Jack? You want to flirt with him, go ahead. I don't care any more. In fact, go kiss him. Go do whatever the fuck you want, but don't look for excuses. You told me you'd never change, and I never said you had to. ...I just thought that maybe, finally, I was enough."

His head was pounding and his heart hurt, and he swallowed hard as he looked away.

"I just dunno what I'd do if you picked him over me. And why wouldn't you? He's a nice guy. He's attractive and he cooks. He's friendly and people like him. He's pretty much everything I'm never gonna be. I bet he'd go to parties with you and be social, never looking over at you and hating whoever you were smiling at or touching. I bet he doesn't start fights, and he always cleans up his mess. ...I bet he can take orders and would always know what you wanted, and never have to ask if you were happy."

"I don't want Scotty. I've never wanted Scotty, you idiot," Jack said calmly. "And I certainly don't want someone who's the opposite of you. I just..."

He wasn't even sure how to explain it, but it touched so close that it made him blush and look down.

"You're not some story. You're my whole life and...and there's some things that I don't want to share with people. I don't know how to tell you, Logan. I'm not prude. Maybe I'm just selfish, I don't know. I just know that he wouldn't shut up and it made me..."

He shrugged and raked his hand through his hair.

"Nevermind," he said sadly. "It's not important."

"Tell me," Logan insisted. He rarely pressed Jack for information, but right now he needed to know. Maybe it was the hang over, or maybe it was just the discomfort of having the new year get off to such a rocky start... Logan just needed to know.

This time he needed Jack to talk.

"I'm sorry that I opened my mouth, but you have to explain this to me, Jack. I don't understand it, and I won't until you just tell me everything that's going on in your head right now."

"I'm your husband, not some dumb slut you fuck," Jack blurted out, his face burning crimson. "The things we do aren't some dirty locker room stories for you to laugh about and share at parties. I thought it was special. Private. And then...then I found out that he knew. So you were drunk. So your mouth got away from you. Whatever. I was just so...I don't know. It takes a lot to embarrass me, Logan. It takes a lot, and you did one hell of a job."

"You know that isn't what I think of you," Logan said quietly. "I said I was sorry. ...I didn't mean to embarrass you. I wasn't thinking. I wont ever do it again, I swear. I won't."

Raking his fingers through his hair, he ducked his head. "Maybe I really should stop going to the parties. All I ever do is get drunk and fuck up. ...It wont happen again," he promised the other man, resolving then and there to never attend another island party.

He was silent for a long moment, and then said something that had been nagging at him since they'd started talking. "You dunno what it's like though. Watching you flirt and dance. I don't mean to do it, but sometimes I just need to make sure people know you're mine. I want them to know that you're my husband... And that they can't have you."

Edited 2010-01-02 22:27 (UTC)

"I know it's not what you think. It's just what it felt like last night," Jack replied, his voice tight and small.

"You just don't get it, do you? Practically everyone I talked to last night...they got to hear about two things. How much fun I was having, and you. Everything comes down to you and no one, not even Scotty, could ever mistake what I want. Flirting, dancing, even the few kisses last night, not one of those people could have been mistaken about where my heart was at. I wish...I wish you understood, Logan. I don't care who else wants me, because I want you. It's really that simple."

Logan wanted to ask why, why him. Why out of all those amazing people was he the one Jack loved? But it was a question he'd asked before, and while he always believed everything the other man said, he always found it hard to believe that he was anything special in anyone's eyes.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked instead. "I mean, this isn't gonna turn into a thing, right? ...Are we okay?"

Jack sighed heavily and stared into his coffee. He didn't answer immediately.

"I forgive you," he said finally. "You were drunk, and I know you didn't mean it the way I took it. Just...please don't do it again?" he asked, lifting his eyes to look at Logan. They were deep and cool, the depth of his wound clear in his gaze. It was actually pretty hard to hurt Jack's feelings, but when it happened, it was unmistakable.

"Please."

"I won't," Logan promised, putting his own cup down and walking over to the other man. "I won't talk about our private lives, okay? I won't betray you like that. I never meant to the first time," he assured Jack, wrapping an arm around him and kissing his cheek.

"Do you want me to leave you alone for a little while?" he offered softly, guilt hitting him hard and making his arm fall away as he took a step back and gave Jack his space. "I need to go shower anyway. We can talk more when I get back."

It all made Logan's gut twist, the feeling of guilt and the look in Jack's eyes... Maybe this time he'd really fucked up. Just because Jack forgave him didn't mean they weren't falling apart.

"Yeah. Maybe for a while," he agreed, keeping his eyes on his coffee. He knew himself just well enough to know that he needed time to lick his wounds. He wasn't mad, he was just hurt...and that hurt was all on him. He understood all the reasons Logan had. It just didn't take the sting away that he had been hoping would be gone in the light of day.

"I'll see you when you get back, though. We can talk then."

"Yeah, okay," Logan replied quietly, swallowing hard and turning away. He hated the way it felt to be turned away by Jack, but he held it together until he was dressed and outside.

Only then did he let go, his mask falling away and pain twisting his features.

He took his time walking to the showers, and even longer getting clean and finding fresh clothes, letting a couple of hours slip by before even thinking about returning home.

Clean and dressed, he made his way back to their home, sitting outside on the porch before finally feeling brave enough to go inside.

There was only so much thinking Jack could handle. Before long, he'd gone and gotten dressed, then taken the dogs out for a walk. The price of that was that when Logan came in, Jack was still on his hands and knees with a pile of towels around him, drying them off.

"Would you hold still?" he asked Sugar, who only growled playfully and got the towel in her teeth to play tug-o-war. Linus, already wiped down, was laying near the fire and watching Jack and the pup with a vague look of disgust.

But then the door opened and Jack dropped the towel, as if he'd been caught doing something. Which he had, technically.

"You're back," he said quietly as he got to his feet. "I was beginning to wonder if you were coming back at all."

Jack looked good on his hands and knees- and the fact that his first thought upon seeing his husband was sexual filled him with guilt.

"I needed clean clothes," he said quietly. "I can go back out if you need more time. I just ran out of stuff to do."

Sugar hopped around at his feet, and he reached down to stroke the white ball of fluff. Logan looked like a kicked puppy, and he sat down hard on the floor.

"I don't need more time. I didn't need this long, even," he said simply, moving over to Logan and reaching down to stroke his hair.

"I'm sorry," he added in a soft, calm voice. "I...I over reacted. It wasn't right to come down on you like that."

"You didn't over react," Logan replied softly. "I'm just a dick sometimes. ...I didn't mean to be this time though. I'd never hurt you like that on purpose. I love you, more than anything."

Jack hunkered down next to Logan since the younger man didn't rise. He leaned in slowly, minding his balance, and wrapped an arm around Logan's shoulders.

"I know. I love you, too," he whispered. "Come on...get up. Let's at least go sit by the fire."

He gave Logan a tug and then got to his feet again. Sugar was being a nuisance and so he walked away from his husband just so he could feed her. Hopefully a full belly would calm her down. At the sound of food hitting the dish, Linus came over, too.

It felt cold when Jack walked away, and Logan watched as Linus trotted over to get his share of the food before he finally got up and on his feet.

He shrugged his coat off and kicked off his shoes. Curling up on the sofa, huddled in the corner., he turned his head to watch Jack, studying the other man with pure love and desire.

The guilt lingered though, and after a moment he looked away. As if he didn't deserve to look.

Edited 2010-01-03 00:27 (UTC)

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